Your favorite bartender is back from prision
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
