"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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