That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
