I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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