you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
