just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
