ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
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Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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