im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Houston, we have a blender
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.