Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?