Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.