Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually