like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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