This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
