Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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