why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
