Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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