I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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