My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
