Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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