Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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