I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
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I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
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My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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