dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
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