I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How's work?
Spinning.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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