I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
