I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
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