Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal

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  (312): Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight. (773): You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal http://tfl.nu/9vmu
  Replies (9) Good night (1791) Bad night (807)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!

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  (503): she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!! http://tfl.nu/wu20
  Replies (35) Good night (5088) Bad night (678)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  this just has baby written all over it

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  (859): this just has baby written all over it http://tfl.nu/ltui
  Replies (6) Good night (633) Bad night (4282)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me

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  (203): I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me http://tfl.nu/osg9
  Replies (45) Good night (8045) Bad night (1256)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.

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  (314): You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you. http://tfl.nu/ejbb
  Replies (9) Good night (7896) Bad night (985)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar

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  (202): the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar http://tfl.nu/f2lj
  Replies (6) Good night (5114) Bad night (1506)
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  (650): View more from California

  It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.

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  (650): It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water. http://tfl.nu/g5w6
  Replies (14) Good night (811) Bad night (2672)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.

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  (617): Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now. http://tfl.nu/a4db
  Replies (2) Good night (1630) Bad night (879)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea

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  (509): We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea http://tfl.nu/v62m
  Replies (5) Good night (3515) Bad night (843)
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  (682): View more from Texas

  I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.

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  (682): I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery. http://tfl.nu/qxsn
  Replies (5) Good night (2092) Bad night (702)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago

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  (817): i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago http://tfl.nu/3uom
  Replies (7) Good night (644) Bad night (1270)
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  (310): View more from California

  I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.

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  (310): I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too. http://tfl.nu/waf5
  Replies (2) Good night (1410) Bad night (575)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?

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  (816): Wait. Wine + Crossbow..? http://tfl.nu/8knj
  Replies (6) Good night (1061) Bad night (636)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.

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  (940): Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me. http://tfl.nu/f1j1
  Replies (2) Good night (760) Bad night (374)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.

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  (416): This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic. http://tfl.nu/tsif
  Replies (6) Good night (745) Bad night (373)

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