Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.