And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.