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• (818): View more from California

  This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.

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• (518): View more from New York

  It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

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• (904): View more from Florida

  show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard

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• (661): View more from California

  There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  That's my way of saying I miss you

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• (562): View more from California

  How's moving going?

  (1-562): View more from California

  Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze

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