I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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