maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.