You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.