Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.

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  (323): how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs. http://tfl.nu/c8lq
  Replies (9) Good night (2247) Bad night (944)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.

  (917): View more from New York City

  dollar well spent

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  (802): last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears. (917): dollar well spent http://tfl.nu/wmsi
  Replies (15) Good night (3381) Bad night (822)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Really stoned

  (440): View more from Ohio

  just sent my roommate on a cheese run

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  (440): Really stoned (440): just sent my roommate on a cheese run http://tfl.nu/tnbw
  Replies (19) Good night (3633) Bad night (621)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.

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  (248): the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake. http://tfl.nu/1bz8
  Replies (7) Good night (2594) Bad night (598)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....

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  (803): The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german.... http://tfl.nu/l2d8
  Replies (42) Good night (13185) Bad night (1234)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.

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  (860): he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot. http://tfl.nu/hpow
  Replies (87) Good night (1280) Bad night (6414)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes

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  (815): you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes http://tfl.nu/koyr
  Replies (195) Good night (1008) Bad night (8439)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab

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  (304): I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab http://tfl.nu/wqq0
  Replies (24) Good night (5480) Bad night (1567)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)

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  (978): Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :) http://tfl.nu/2ww0
  Replies (8) Good night (1659) Bad night (787)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.

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  (413): FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/mpp4
  Replies (8) Good night (1254) Bad night (815)
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  (418): View more from Quebec

  I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC

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  (418): I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC http://tfl.nu/grmc
  Replies (12) Good night (998) Bad night (1527)
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  (408): View more from California

  do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??

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  (408): do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend?? http://tfl.nu/xsua
  Replies (6) Good night (927) Bad night (1105)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.

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  (215): Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke. http://tfl.nu/g0ji
  Replies (2) Good night (702) Bad night (426)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.

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  (989): Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert. http://tfl.nu/zbuo
  Replies (1) Good night (407) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?

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  (626): i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning? http://tfl.nu/2863
  Replies (2) Good night (895) Bad night (367)

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