Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
did i walk over a car last night?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes