he puts the penis in happiness.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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