You can't special order awesome
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
