i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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