My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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