You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
