she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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