I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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