mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I didn't notice because vodka
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
