Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
