Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
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I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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