So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
