My friends, they love my intelligence
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
