My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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