you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize