went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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