Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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