I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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