is your mom at the bar?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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