is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
