I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
