First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
