call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
