Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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