Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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