The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
