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he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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