Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
