glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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