mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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