false alarm. still invincible.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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