It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
