She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
