genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
