Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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