i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
