Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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