just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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