I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
