You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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