i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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