she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
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Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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