u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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