It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
