obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
